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So stressed out

Life is going so fast and I just can't get a grip on it. The pageant is 1 month away... I don't have money to buy anything. I got a job as a lifeguard/swim instructor but I know I still wont have enough. There are fees, and things I need to buy and I'm so scared I wont make it :'( I'm allready taking in consideration to not do it all together. Just owe them money and pay them when I can and be done with it. But I know how many people believe in me and that makes me so sad.... Why... why do they have to. Its my life and I can do whatever i want with it. But on the other hand I always felt like this was something off. I didn't trully like the idea of this pageant. Id rather model for a big company and be myself and feel beautiful. I have so many people believeing in me but you know what i think I might crack. I've been asking God to help me but maybe its just not been enough. I don't know what to do and I'm struggling. I'm at Stephs now and I want to go home but I don't. My heart is tearing up and It hurts so much.. the uncertanty. I know everything will be okay in the end I just wish I knew what this part of my life meant.

Fingers crossed.